"I wasn't Worth His Time"


Hey, congratulations on your scholarship, I sent.
Thank you! He replied twelve hours later.
I was smiling at his words.
But I was only sitting on my bed at the night his journey started.


He had always posted everything.
The picture of him leaving his parents' house.
The picture of him pushing his trolley to the international departure terminal.
The picture of him on the plane to South Korea.


I was waiting for the news of his arrival in Seoul.
He didn't post anything from his new days.
I wanted to see his happy smile at his dream place.


I had followed his posts since he was still dreaming of studying abroad.
Now I wanted to keep following the journey of his new life.
I had never been involved in his real life, but seeing his pictures was enough.
I felt like I was living within his daily lives, and I wanted to stay there.


It made me nervous of not finding new updates from him.
I felt like I must ask him.
Hey, how are you? I sent.
I'm fine, he replied twenty four hours later.
I was smiling at his text, and spelling his words.
Every letter felt like sending warmth to my heart.


He finally posted some of his pictures in Seoul.
Standing in front of Gyeongbokgung Palace, walking in Myeong-dong, eating tteokboki.
Then I was looking for Korean street food in my town.
I bought the same street food as the one I saw he was eating.


Hey, what are you doing there? I sent.
Studying, he replied thirty six hours later.
I was smiling at his text, and feeling happy that he would share his daily activity with me.
I felt like our relationship was getting closer.


I saw his pictures in Jeju Island.
He didn't say that he would go there.
Why didn't he let me know?
Am I not an important person in his life?
I was worried for his attitude.

Hey, is it nice in Jeju? I sent.
Yeah! He replied fourty eight hours later.
I was smiling at his text, and repeating his words.
It felt like a cheerful word.
I was glad that he was happy, and he shared the feeling with me.


It had been fifty five days since he posted his last picture.
I was so worried.
I wanted to meet him.
I looked for tickets to Seoul, and bought it for me.


I posted a picture of myself pushing a trolley at Soekarno-Hatta Airport.
I knew that he was following my account, thus he would see my picture.
I was hoping he would realize that I was going abroad, and guessing correctly for my destination.
I would surprise him.
I'd just told him after I arrived at Incheon Airport.

Hey, I'm in Seoul.
He didn't reply.

I was staring at my phone along my first day in Seoul.
Hey, can we meet up? I'm in Seoul.
I kept sending him messages.
He didn't even read them.
I was scrolling his online page, and finally a new picture appeared.

It was a close up picture of his hand holding his passport and a ticket to Jakarta.
He was leaving Seoul tonight.
But, yesterday he was still in the same city with me.
He didn't even want to meet me on his last night in Seoul.
Now I knew, I wasn't worth his time.