"Love Just in Case"


Hello, I'm in Paris! I cheerfully shouted to the camera.
On my screen, he was smiling and waving his hand from the other side of my world.
Can you see the Eiffel Tower? I asked.
He said yes, and accompanied me for the rest of my Paris trip.


Hello, now I'm in Switzerland! I cheerfully shouted to the camera.
On my screen, he was smiling and waving his hand from his clean kitchen.
He had always been accompany me from his home in Bandung.
Can you feel the snow? I asked.
He laughed and said yes.
Then he accompanied me taking the gondola ride across the snowy mountain.
I had met him once before I left Bandung for London.
Everybody here was fast and busy.
I couldn't really tell my stories to my workmates.
They didn't understand being an Indonesian living so far from hometown.


Hey, do you remember me? We met up at that event for entrepreneurs, I texted him one day.
He surely remembered me, because I was exceptional.
I was so lucky for having a chance to start my business in London, he told me.
I didn't feel that lucky.
You know, living alone in London and struggling to grow my dreams were so hard.
But I had him now.
For texting every day, for calling every day, for talking every day.


He said, London was his top dream city.
I was glad that I lived in the place of his dreams.
He said, if he could have a chance to come here, I would be the first to know.
For all this warmth caused by the thoughts of him, living in London with him became the top of my dreams now.
I really hoped he could make it to London.


Can you mention our relationship?
He suddenly said in one conversation at my bedroom.
I was sitting up. I wasn't enable to digest this question by lying half-sleepy on my bed.
What do you mean? I responded to the screen.
What are you looking for in a relationship? He asked it from the other side of the Earth.
A partner, I said.
So that you have someone to accompany you? He guessed.
To be with me, yes.
But I'm not there with you, he said.
But I feel you're here with me, and that really helps.
You're not here with me, he replied.
I could see his facial expression turned to be seriously sad.
Doesn't our conversation help? I said, sadly.
It is. If only you're here.


What are you doing lately?
Are you busy?
You haven't answered any of my video calls.
I was texting at my workplace, and my workmates were sardonically staring at me.
Sorry, I've been busy, he texted.
Can I call you? I begged in a text.
Not now.
Actually, where are you busy working lately?


Hey, do you remember that London is my top dream city?
Surely! I'll be the first to know when you're coming here.
I'm coming there.

I was totally excited. I didn't come to my workplace today.
I wanted to pick him up at Heathrow, but he said I didn't have to.
He just wanted to meet me under the Big Ben.
Thus I walked out of the Westminster Station in a rush.

I was looking for him in the crowd.
My eyes were only searching for his figure.
I couldn't call him in the Underground train, and he didn't answer my call when I walked out.
Then I was just half-running and staring around.

There were a lot of tourists here. Like always.
There were families walking across Westminster Bridge.
There were youngsters with huge backpacks staring at the Big Ben.
There was a couple in wedding gown and suit taking pictures on the bridge, under the Big Ben.

I was stopping there, not even crossing the road.
Red buses and black cabs were running in front of me while I was staring at that couple.
I knew the guy in the groom suit.


Why? I asked through a video call.
I was sitting on a cold bench at the Thames riverside, under Westminster Bridge.
I'm sorry... On my screen, he was talking in his wedding suit.
The bride was behind him, and the photographer was still taking pictures of her.
Why? I repeated my question, and my eyes kept staring at him on the bridge.
Where are you? He asked. He was standing on the edge of the bridge, yet he didn't see me.
Is it because I was too far for you? I pushed him to explain.
He sighed. No, I've always been with her, even since before we met.
Then, why did you have this things with me?
I was searching for the best, he said.

Why are you coming? I asked.
She wanted to take our pre-wedding pictures here, he answered on my screen.
In your top dream city, I said.
She wanted me visiting my top dream city, he said.

So, you keep her all this time while you're trying me?
I asked while staring at him on the bridge.
I thought that you wouldn't really love me, he said.
I thought that you would really love me, I said.
I turned out that I was only an option, and he would choose me just in case I was the best.